Spoken Humor 101

                                                        Spoken Humor 101

You want to become a humorist? If not a humorist, maybe you just want to tell a few jokes to spike up a speech at a Rotary Club, PTA, or a Chamber of Commerce meeting. I want to offer some advice and share my experience with you.

Today, it is unfortunate that we don’t have a platform for aspiring comedians. Vaudeville was an excellent launching pad for aspiring talent. In fact, vaudeville provided most all the early stars for silent movies, beginning radio and TV. These early comedians learned the tricks of the trade while stealing material from one another. Vaudeville provided an excellent training ground.

We don’t have the luxury of gaining experience from vaudeville. So, how do we get started on our journey to humorville?

• I would recommend that you only tell jokes that you like and make you laugh.

It is not wise, in my opinion, to tell a joke that you do not understand. There is a

stockpile of jokes on the web from which to choose.  They cover almost any topic.  Use the ones that you feel comfortable repeating.

Be sure that the jokes you choose are appropriate for your audience. For instance, you wouldn’t want to use this gag at a PTA meeting: Last night my wife left me. She’s going to the dogs because she left me on a greyhound bus. Or, I’m so proud to be speaking to you; my wife never lets me say a word at my house.

I wouldn’t recommend that you laugh at your own jokes. Don’t worry, if you work with them long enough and practice hard enough, you won’t laugh at them. You’ll probably get sick of them before you share them with your audience.One thing I’ve noted about humor. The more you practice and work with it, the more you lose your sense of what is funny.

For instance, forty years ago I thought this gag was funny: These two pals George and Bill went out fishing on the lake. They had no luck all day until they came upon a spot where they caught their limit within a few minutes. George says to Bll, “Mark this spot so we’ll be able to find it tomorrow.”

They get back to the boat dock, and George says, “Well, did you mark the spot where we caught all those fish so we can find it tomorrow.” Bill says, “I sure did. I used a grease pencil and marked it on the side of the boat.” George replies, “You numbskull, we may not get the same boat tomorrow.” Somehow that joke doesn’t sound so funny today.

* Make you joke relevant to your subject.

Most professional speakers will tell you to make your jokes relevant to your subject matter. This is nice in theory but I don’t believe that it works in practice. If I have a good joke that I’d love to tell, I would try to tweak it to fit my subject matter. Most of your audience will probably remember the jokes longer than they remember your subject matter.

*What if your audience has heard your joke before.

When you get right down to it, there are very few original jokes out there. What makes them new is that you haven’t heard them before. Your audience certainly haven’t heard them from you. Or, maybe there’s a new setting for an old joke. If you haven’t heard them, your audience probably hasn’t heard them either.

For goodness sakes don’t stand there and say you may have heard this one. That puts you on defense in a hurry. Let the joke come as a surprise to your audience. Get into your gag as if it were the first time it was ever told.

What if someone in your audience has heard the joke you’re telling? That person will probably not stand up and shout, “I’ve heard that joke before!” They’ll just sit there and judge your manor of delivery in telling the joke. They will want to go right along with you. When you’re through, they’ll probably think, “Hey, he told it right.”

You may even get a chuckle from someone who has heard it before. Besides, what is wrong with listening to a joke more than once? We’ll listen to a song that we like until we wear out the vinyl or tape. I never get tired of Henny Youngman saying, “I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport.”

Or, there’s this one: At the beginning of a battle, the sergeant tells his platoon to fire at will. One the soldiers in the trench asks, “Which on is Will?”

• What if you tell a joke and the audience doesn’t laugh?

 A new comedian my think the sky has fallen on him if a joke bombs. This is probably the greatest fear for a beginner or even a professional comedian. You stand before an audience, you tell a joke, and after the punch line you could hear a pin drop. That’s called dying on stage.

Believe me, everybody that tells a joke before an audience faces this problem. Pardon me if I use myself as an example. In 1972 I performed standup comedy for a group of Jaycees at a regional meeting. For five minutes I told joke after joke and through my whole presentation, I got no laughs. That’s right, zero, zilch, stone cold stares, nothing. I was so devastated that I didn’t try standup comedy again for another forty years.  

Talk about wandering through the wilderness. What could I have done to have gotten a few laughs from those Jaycees? Fortunately professional comedians have learned a few tricks to over come this laugh-less hurdle. What do they do?

• Over coming a joke that bombs.

 Take my favorable comedian Milton Berle. He would tell a joke that would bomb and then say something like: How do you folks manage to sleep in here with the lights on? Or, don’t look at me like I’m dating your daughter. Or, you look at me like I just let the air out of your tires. With these lines he was able to produce laughter and get his routine back on track.

What did Rodney Dangerfield do when one of his jokes bombed? He would look toward the ceiling and roll his eyes. After this brief pause he would look to his right, then to his left, and continue his routine. On The Tonight Show one Rodney’s jokes fell flat. To Johnny Carson, he says, “I should have road tested that one first.”

Johnny Carson was famous for telling jokes that bombed. While taking it in stride, he would say something like: Looks like I’m cancelled for next season. Or, I should read this stuff before I come out here. His acknowledgement and response to the flat joke worked out better than if the bombed joke was funny. It tended to give a human side to Carson’s comedy.

I think that early in a monolog Bob Hope would intentionally tell a joke that bombed. Later in the same routine, he would return to the bombed joke and try to explain the punch line. He would get laughs trying to explain the punch line of the bombed gag.

As you can see it doesn’t have to be a disaster to tell a joke that bombs. Had I only known these little tricks forty plus years ago! I’ll never forget that standup performance forty years ago; a Jaycee who was there said that was the funniest routine that he had ever witnessed. Yeah, big deal, and nobody laughed.

*  Should you memorize your jokes?

According to Milton Berle the answer is no. He hand wrote his jokes on 4 x 6 cards and wasn’t bashful about flashing them before his audience. There is one thing all comedians recommend. Make absolutely certain that you remember the gag’s punch line. You can be forgiven for stumbling through a joke. Just make sure that you know the punch line by heart.

Professional TV comics had flash cards all over the place. When they were before a camera these cards were held at a distance to help the performers with their lines. Sometime, take a look at clips of those old Bob Hope monologues. If you closely follow his eyes, you can see that he is reading his lines.

• What about timing and the punch line?

Many comedians get hung-up on timing or a pause before delivering the punch line. For a beginner I wouldn’t be overly concerned about timing. It will come with experience. Again, let me use Henny Youngman as an example. He did okay and didn’t appear to worry about timing. If he had timing it was by accident. That may have been his New York minute style. For me in Southern Appalachia, it seems like there is a timing pause after my every word. With me the punch line is built in.

Somebody else, in my opinion, that wasn’t great with timing. It was Rodney Dangerfield. But the man sure could make you laugh.

It was said that Jack Benny had the best timing of any comedian ever. In fact, I don’t understand how it happened, but his long pauses before the punch line could evoke laughter. Nobody else before or since could do that.

• Give your jokes a personal touch.

 For instance, compare: (1) My niece Edna has a real soft spoken boyfriend. He’s so soft spoken they call him a speakeasy. It is easier to reach an audience with that joke than it is with one like this: (2) Even as a boy scout he was mean. He walked old ladies halfway across the street and left them.

Compare these: (1) My uncle Jim is so dull that he can stay longer in a hour visit than most people can stay in a week. (2) If it was raining soup, he’d be standing outside with a fork.

• What about self deprecating jokes?

 I am not a great fan of self-deprecating jokes. I use very few of them and only to get an audience on my side. I use them as a sort of an ice breaker. I don’t like to use too many of them because it tends to lower my self esteem.

I know that Rodney Dangerfield had great success with I get no respect. He never ceased to get laughs with jokes like: When I was a kid, I complained to my old man that I was tired of going around in circles. He said, “Shut up kid, or I’ll nail the other shoe to the floor.” Or, “The delivery man takes my kid to a father-and-son dinner.” Or, “My daughter has been picked up so many times she has started to grow handles.”

Note that Rodney had a tremendous stage presence. He was a great comedic actor. Don’t worry about becoming a Rodney Dangerfield. Very few can ever hope to match his stage presence. A comedian almost a funny as Rodney, in my opinion, was Joey Bishop. In a monotone, deadpan delivery, Joey could get laughs. Of course, at least in my opinion, he told good jokes.

There are all types of comedic styles. I suggest that you perform in your own style. With practice you can become good at being you or the persona that you choose to be. But be careful about trying to be something you’re not.

Another comedian who sprinkled self-deprecating humor into his monologues was Bob Hope.

Want another reason why I dislike self-deprecating humor? I don’t like it because the audience will get the wrong impression of me. If you have a huge following like Hope or Dangerfield, your audience knows all there is to know about you. With an unknown like me, people will not learn who I really am. They will form their opinion of me by the jokes I tell about myself.

• I like to string two or more jokes on the same subject together in combination.

 Stringing a few jokes together tends to add continuity to your routine. For example: I went to the doctor, and I said, “Doc, my arm hurts when I raise it like this.” He says, “Don’t do that.”

I follow it with: “Last year my doctor told me that I needed to lose 150 pounds of ugly fat…so I divorced my wife.”

I follow with a third one: “This year my doctor told me that I was still too fat. I said, ‘Doc, I want a second opinion.’ He says, ‘Okay, you’re ugly too.’”

As you can see you could keep on going with the doctor gags. But, you may not want to dwell on one subject too long.

 *  Give your routine some latitude.

You could begin, as some comedians suggest, with something like this: It’s a crazy world we’re living in today. Or, look at all the things that are happening today. This gives you a wide range of places to go with your monologue. It tends to give continuity to your performance.

Milton Berle stated that many a good comedian failed because he just told jokes. Their act never had any continuity. They were good but never become famous.

• What about heckling? 

Heckling can be disconcerting. It is as disconcerting for an audience as it is for the comic. I never had a problem with heckling. For me dying while performing was punishment enough.

Performing at a night club is a lot tougher than performing for a civic club or the chamber. You don’t have to worry too much about heckling in polite venues.

What would I suggest to keep down the heckling? Just remember, as the comedian you know a lot more about your subject than your audience. That fact alone should boost your confidence level.

Prevent heckling? First of all I would want the audience to be with me and respect me. Rodney Dangerfield never failed to notice and appreciate his audience. After getting a big early laugh, he would say, “What a crowd! What a crowd!” His appreciativeness of his audience gave him a big advantage. He never failed to sincerely appreciate his audience.

If there is a pause between jokes, that tends to leave an opening for the heckler. The last time I did comedy I plowed into gag after gag with hardly a pause. There was little time to bomb or have a heckler interrupt. When you gain experience you can show down between jokes. But I wouldn’t pause too long.

Your type material could incite a heckler. We are now living in a climate where audiences are more sensitive than they have ever been. Take continuous lines like these: My girlfriend is fat. How fat is she? She’s getting a double chin. That’s from her eating and her mouth working overtime.

My girlfriend is fat. But she is great at breaking the ice. In fact, last winter they used her in Northern Canada for an ice breaker.

She’s so fat that Blue Cross put her in her own personal group insurance plan.

I bought a device that makes my car run 90% quieter. It fits right over her mouth.

In my opinion these type jokes tend to invite heckling. Some women are hypersensitive about jokes male comics make about them.

* What about heckler put-downs?

There are two types of putdowns for hecklers if you don’t include security leading the heckler from the venue. There are polite and hard putdowns. You will probably want to ignore the heckler as long as possible before using them.

My suggestion is that if you have to use putdowns, use the soft ones first. One like, I love you too honey is a soft putdown. A stronger one is, you’re the reason they make twin beds. Women hecklers are particularly challenging for a male comic. No man wants to be accused to abusing a girl. Most heckling is generally due to intoxication.

A stronger putdown is: Your bus is leaving in five minutes. If you leave now you can be under it. Or, honey you're the reason they make twin beds.

• What about political jokes? 

In today’s highly toxic atmosphere, political jokes are just about off limits. You really have to know your audience to use them. We are now in an environment where you can’t joke about certain politicians. The days of Bob Hope and other comedians cracking political jokes is about over. I won’t say that you can’t tell them. I do say that you had better know your audience.

Without delving into great detail, let me touch briefly on political humor. A survey of the TV media in 2008 verified that for every eight jokes told about republicans, only one was told about democrats. I don’t know if it was intentional or the result of focus group polling. Maybe republicans can take a joke better than democrats.

I do know that Saturday Nite Live sank Sarah Palin. I had a friend who thought she was so stupid that she said that she could see Russia from her house in Alaska. My friend didn’t know that was a Tina Fey line. In my opinion Sarah has never recovered from those skits.

In socialist societies all jokes are taken seriously. In socialist East European countries, you can not tell a joke without getting into trouble. This intolerance sounds Puritanical to me. These countries make me thankful for my Scotch-Irish heritage.

Saturday Nite Live has failed to sink Donald Trump. Why? When you continuously skew to one side politically, you run the risk of losing half your audience. When a person knows that his favorite office holder is going to get lampooned, he tends to spend his time doing something else. What worked to destroy Sarah Palin will not work to destroy the Donald. An audience gets wise to the gig. For half the population, SNL has lost its mojo. 

* What about religious jokes? 

Jokes are quite acceptable when they concern religious denominations. I suppose there are more jokes about Catholics than any other religion. Why not? Celibate priests and devout nuns are perfect foils for a humor fix. Just about everybody enjoys a joke about their religious persuasion.

For instance: Two catholic priests are talking. One says to the other, “Think the Pope will ever allow us to marry?” The other says, “Not in our lifetime, maybe out kids.”

Or this one: Two Baptists are talking. One says to the other, “What ever happened to Reverend Murray? The other says, “He died at a baptizing.” “How could the Lord take him at a baptizing?” “Well,” says his friend, “when he cracked a hole in the ice to have the annual January baptizing, he fell under the ice on the river and drowned.”

Define a Baptist Minster: He’s a Presbyterian without money, a Lutheran without religion, and a Methodist without a boss.

I say go ahead and skewer religion. Most of the societal forces out there condone the lampooning of religion. Words of caution though, don’t joke about the Muslim religion if you want to keep your head. That’s one religion that only the brave joke about.

* What about the ‘n’ word?

Certain forces have conspired to eliminate the ‘n’ word from the English language. It seems that a certain segment of our society has decided what is best for us. It is also best for them because it gives them control of our political system. Grant money anyone?

What a shame to eliminate the ‘n’ word. In my opinion this is a disservice to one of our largest minority groups. With that word’s elimination from our vocabulary, a rich genre of American literature has been hijacked from the public domain. I know first hand because a publisher will not touch my best work, Tecker due to this madness. So, the ‘n’ word has been eliminated.

* What about the ‘f’ word and off color material?

I don’t like to use dirty jokes. They tend to, in my opinion, give the audience a license to heckle. With extreme gag censorship coming from many quarters, filthy jokes seem to be the only ones now permitted. It may be the path of easiest resistance for some comics, but as for me, I say forget it.

I want my audience to respect me. When my audience to wakes up the next morning, I want them to feel feel that they have a shot at going to a better place. I feel insulted and violated if I listen to a comedian telling nasty jokes and tossing around the ‘f’ bomb.

By now you have a feel for my philosophy of humor. My hope is that you can now go out there and knock an audience dead.

Thanks for reading this article and keep laughing.

Copyright 2017 Anthony E. Ponder